Answer 1

A woman walked up to an old man in a rocking chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" He replied "I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day, drink a case of whiskey every week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?" He said "I'm 26."

Answer 2

A little old lady comes into the kitchen and tells her husband "Honey, just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a compliment about now." The husband replies "You have really good eyesight!"

Answer 3

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to see a movie. He stopped at the concession stand before the movie to buy some popcorn.

He handed the attendant $1.50. He commented "the last time I came to the movies popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a smirk, "you're really going to enjoy yourself; we have sound now."

Answer 4

A reporter asked a 104 year-old woman "what do you like most about being 104?" She replied "no peer pressure."

Answer 5

What is the best thing about turning 65?
No more calls from insurance salesmen.

Answer 6

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman. "What is the best thing about being 104?" he asked her.

"No peer pressure," she replied.

Answer 7

How do you know you're getting old?
Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

Answer 8

How do you know you're getting old?
You have dry dreams and wet farts.

Answer 9

Bob: How old are you?
Billy: I'm 8.
Bob: I remember when I was your age. I was 8 too.

Answer 10

"In dog years I'm dead..."

Answer 11

Middle age is when your age starts showing around your middle.

Answer 12

"She's not pushing 40... she's clinging on to it for dear life!"

Answer 13

"I'm old but I still got it! Now why doesn't anyone want it?"

Answer 14

Few women admit their age; few men act theirs.

Answer 15

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.

Answer 16

What is the difference between a 40-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman?
A 40-year-old woman dreams of having children. A 40-year-old man dreams of dating them.

Answer 17

What goes up but never goes down?
Your age

Answer 18

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Answer 19

2 old ladies are going down the street in their car. They go through 2 red lights. The first old lady speaks her mind.

"Would you watch it! you've run through 2 red lights!" she says

The other old lady replies "I thought you were driving."

Answer 20

How do you know when you are getting old? When you start having...

Answer 21

Answer 22

Answer 23

"Your mom's like an old cooker. Any old nob can turn her on!"

Answer 24

How do you make 4 old ladies say "FUCK!?" Get a 5th to yell "BINGO!"