Answer 1

"I can't help admiring my boss. If I don't he'll fire me!"

Answer 2

The boss returned from lunch and called his staff together to listen to some jokes he had just picked up. Everybody laughed loudly except one woman.

Boss: What's the matter? Don't you have a sense of humor?
Woman: I don't have to laugh. I'm leaving Friday!

Answer 3

If you try to please your boss that's brown-nosing.
If your boss tries to please his boss that's cooperating.

Answer 4

If you don't do it you're lazy.
If your boss doesn't do it he's just too busy.

Answer 5

When you do something without being told you're trying to be smart.
When your boss does the same it's called initiative.

Answer 6

When you take a long time you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time he's being thorough.

Answer 7

When you don't know what to do walk fast and look worried!

Answer 8

Why is it that when bosses talk about improving productivity they're never talking about themselves?

Answer 9

If no one ever disagrees with you you're either very clever or you're the boss!

Answer 10

You have to be 100% behind your boss. It's the only way to stab him in the back!

Answer 11

Bosses are like diapers. They're full of shit and all over your ass!

Answer 12

Boss: Jill, due to the recession, I can no longer afford both you and Jack. I'll have to lay you or Jack off.
Jill: You can jack off all you want but you're not going to lay me!

Answer 13

Secretary: I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Boss: You always give me bad news. Tell me some good news for a change!
Secretary: OK. Here's some good news...  You're not sterile.

Answer 14

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

Answer 15

Answer 16

Why is it that when a man gets a promotion ahead of a woman it's...

Answer 17

Female Worker: I'd like to get something off my chest. Manager:...

Answer 18

If at first you don't succeed then maybe you just suck!