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Being an idiot isn't a crime so you're free to go
Clean Marriage jokes
Tweet
marriage
clean
relationships
Requested
in
Childrens & Clean
by
JustMe
edited
by
MC Jester
39 Jokes
2
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Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity...
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Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
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Argo
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In the first year of marriage the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year the woman speaks while the man listens. In the third year they both speak and the neighbors listen!
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Argo
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What does a marriage do?
It puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
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In some countries the punishment for shoplifting is marriage.
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Woman: I was the one who made my husband a millionaire.
Friend: What was he before you married him?
Woman: A multi-millionaire.
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JustMe
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Man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's finished!
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"My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps writing in her diary."
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My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, it takes 3 people to pull us apart!
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"We're equal partners in our marriage. I'm the silent one..."
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Man: Do clever men make good husbands?
Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands.
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I married Ms. Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!
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Written on the wall in the ladies room... "My husband follows me everywhere." Under it is written "I do not!"
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Mary: Doctor, my husband believes in preventative medicine.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, he tries to prevent me from making him take it!
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Daniel: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
Daniel: Every time we play Scrabble!
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Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man!
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus... Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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"I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me..."
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It doesn't matter how many times a married man changes jobs... he always ends up with the same boss.
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Argo
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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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What do you know immediately about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
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Married people don't live longer than single people - it just seems longer.
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"I knew their marriage was off to a bad start when he insisted on being married by the Minister of Defense instead of a Justice of the Peace."
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"I love being married. It's so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life!"
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If you didn't have any money I'd still love you... and miss you very much.
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"After 20 years of marriage they're still in love... She loves the gardener and he loves the lady next door!"
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"Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want but when you see what the other person's got you wish you'd ordered that..."
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Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
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Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's.
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Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!
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My wife and I have agreed not to go to bed angry with each other. So far we've been up for a month.
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My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse!
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Argo
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"I've been happily married for 10 whole years. 10 out of 30 ain't bad!"
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Walt: I had a long talk with my wife about cutting down on her extravagant shopping bills!
Dan: What did you decide?
Walt: There are going to be some big changes! I'm giving up smoking.
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A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job!
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What are the 3 words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse!"
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Argo
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What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
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