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Being an idiot isn't a crime so you're free to go
Jack Bauer jokes
Tweet
memes
tv
chuck-norris
Requested
in
Misc. Themes
by
JustMe
edited
by
MC Jester
54 Jokes
2
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What were Jack Bauer's first words as a baby?
"There's no time!"
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by
K OS
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Donald Trump is Jack Bauer's apprentice.
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If Then
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When Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead the dog actually died.
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Argo
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K OS
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MC Jester
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If Then
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MC Jester
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K OS
edited
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MC Jester
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Two of Jack Bauer's wrongs DO make a right... Too bad he's never wrong.
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JustMe
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How does Jack Bauer pick up women?
He tells them "you've read my file. You know what I am capable of."
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JustMe
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The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads "What Would Jack Bauer Do?"
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JustMe
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Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg!
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JustMe
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Jack Bauer is sorry for your loss but he needs to focus on the primary objective now.
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JustMe
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When Jack Bauer goes to Hooters he orders the waitress for dessert.
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JustMe
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Jack Bauer knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
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a contributor
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Jack Bauer didn't use heroin because he had to. He took heroin because saving the world sober was just getting too easy.
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Argo
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If you're riding in a car with Jack Bauer never yell shotgun.
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K OS
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The last man on Earth will be Jack Bauer... only because he ran out of people to kill.
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Argo
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Jack Bauer is the only guy who can get away with killing his girlfriend's ex-husband and still have her fall for him.
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K OS
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Jack Bauer doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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K OS
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There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who fear Jack Bauer and those who are Jack Bauer.
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a contributor
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When the President presses the big "Easy" button on his desk Jack Bauer's phone rings.
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Jack Bauer tortured his mother when he was a kid to find the location of his Christmas presents.
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Argo
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Jack Bauer doesn't care for names. Every entry in his address book is just labeled "Son of a Bitch."
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Argo
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Kobe would pass to Jack Bauer.
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If Then
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What were Jack Bauer's first words after the doctor slapped him as a baby?
"Son of a Bitch!"
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If Then
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Why was Jack Bauer born the same day he was conceived?
Jack Bauer never takes more than an hour to get out of the hole.
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a contributor
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Jeeves asks Jack Bauer.
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JustMe
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Mimes tell Jack Bauer who they work for.
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If Then
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Jack Bauer doesn't have to blow in his old Nintendo cartridges to make them work.
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Argo
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It only took 3 minutes for Jack Bauer to figure out Victoria's secret.
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a contributor
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Every page of Jack Bauer's day planner reads "Save the World Again."
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The Hulk wouldn't like Jack Bauer when he's angry.
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Geico just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Jack Bauer!
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JustMe
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Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
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Argo
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Jack Bauer could go see Brokeback Mountain and no one would look at him funny.
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Argo
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Jack Bauer makes emo kids smile.
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a contributor
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If Jack Bauer were gay a lot more women would be getting sex changes.
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Jack Bauer has more lives than Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Start.
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K OS
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Nobody says "hit me" when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
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K OS
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Jack Bauer can actually listen to his girlfriend talk.
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If Then
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Someone once tried to tell Jack Bauer a "Knock Knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamn bomb was!
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If Then
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Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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If Then
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If Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off security gives him a gun.
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a contributor
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There's no such thing as lesbians - just women who have never met Jack Bauer.
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Jack Bauer made Helen Keller talk.
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by
K OS
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Why did Jack Bauer name his cat "Chuck Norris?"
Because he's a pussy.
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by
K OS
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If Jack Bauer was gay his name would be Chuck Norris!
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NumeroOcho
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Jack Bauer is the only government employee with the 24 hours on and 2 years off work schedule.
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NumeroOcho
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MC Jester
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JustMe
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MC Jester
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K OS
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MC Jester
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Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won...
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