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Man vs Woman jokes

  

18 Jokes

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What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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What is the difference between women and men?
One has morning sickness and the other has morning stiffness.
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What are a woman's favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, Jaguar in the garage, tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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What a woman says:

This place is a mess. C'mon!
You and I need to clean it up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do the laundry right now!

What a man hears:

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
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Why do men prefer smart women?
Opposites attract.
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A bride-to-be tells her friend "Jim keeps telling everybody he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world." The friend says "what a shame! After all the time he was engaged to you?!”
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Men stand up to get knocked down while women lay down to get knocked up.
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Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like a Blackberry. Rub one ball and everything moves!!
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Women don't make fools of men; most of them are do-it-yourself types.
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When does a woman care about a man's company?
When he owns it.
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How do you know a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
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Why do more women pay attention to improving their appearance than their minds?
Because most men are stupid but few are blind!
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Men who fight with their wives all day get no piece at night.
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Men have 2 heads but women have 4 lips!

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